Rico: Your grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today, broke her coccyx. What? Since when does she go to the dunes? Looks like there's a lot you don't know about her.
Rico: I don't know. Not sure.
Rico: Talk to your Auntie Caroline.
Rico: Oh. Thanks, Kip.
Rico: She was on a date...with her boyfriend.
Rico: Hey, you guys want to see my video? So, what do you think?
Rico: Oh. Man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Rico: Hah! Hey, check that out.
Rico: No. Not really.
Rico: Well...she's jealous.Says I'm livin' too much in '82.
Rico: Well, I dumped her. What about your girlfriend?
Rico: Yep. Well, what's she look like?
Rico: Hey, you know... I got a little project... that we might be able to make a little moola with.
Rico: Have you ever heard of nylon polymer?
Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.
Rico: I'm dead serious. Watch this.
Rico: How much you want to make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Yeah. If coach would've put me in fourth quarter... we'd have been state champions, no doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things would have been different. I'd have gone pro...in a heartbeat. I'd be makin' millions of dollars and... livin' in a... big ol' mansion somewhere. You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate. Kip, I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace. Y-You ever come across anything like time travel?
Rico: Right on. Right on.
Rico: Right. I-- I think just a little bit east of the cementery is a good little area right here. We should do it there. Don't go down here, 'cause they don't have any money.
Rico: What are you-- You're already losing your steam?
Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all.
Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room?
Rico: You-- You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone?
Rico: I'll bet she does. I'd be throwin' you out the window.
Rico: See, Crystal Street. That's for you. I'm goin' to Adams Park. They got some money in Adams Park.
Rico: Let's go, Kipper. I think we should take this someplace a little more private.
Rico: Before we get started on our new project, I have a few concerns. First off, I'm concerned about your transportation situation. I mean, do you--you got a car you can borrow from someone?
Rico: You can borrow my van for the time being. I-- I do better on foot anyway. We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers.
Rico: Say, you know of a-- a place we can get our picture taken, like, a-- a photo store?
Rico: Uh, you did it? Wow. Wow, that felt really relaxed. Thanks, Deb. You're up, Kip.
Rico: Now, if you invest in the 24-piece set I'm gonna throw in a little gift.
Rico: I bet you folks don't have one of these.
Rico: You see, this ain't your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware." These are some serious "NuPont" fiber-woven bowls.
Rico: That's correct, sir. Lance, you look like a strong young pup. Why don't you see if you can give that a nice tear. Don't hurt yourself now.
Rico: So, uh... how does the "dealio" sound to you?
Rico: Well, hey, Napoleon. Napoleon's my nephew.
Rico: Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital. He still wets the bed and everything.
Rico: Yeah, he's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and whatnot. Anyway, uh... so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set here?
Rico: Hey, Kip. I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.
Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina.
Rico: Where to?
Rico: You takin' my client's daughter?
Rico: Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale to finalize in Bonita in five minutes.
Rico: Well, I'll be back in a minute. Don't disturb me while I'm in there.
Rico: Hi. I got your 24-piece set right here.
Rico: Well, I could've told you that. I-I said the 12-pack, not the 24 pack. You're just gonna have to mix and match.
Rico: Well, put it back. Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack. What do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back. And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it. We can use a little of this. I can tell you that. We can use those.
Rico: Oh, I wrote him an e-mail, sayin' I'm gonna contact the authorities if I don't get a refund in full. Don't you ever wish you could go back... with all the knowledge you have now? Tsk.
Rico: Well, I'll tell you somethin' right now. You'd find your soul mate.
Rico: Oh, yeah. What's her name again?
Rico: Lafawnduh. Huh. How's she doin'?
Rico: Well, what about work? Well, haven't-- haven't you studied up on the new product?
Rico: Well, do you know it backwards and front?
Rico: Why don't you sell some to that girlfriend of yours? You might as well do somethin' while you're doin' nothin'.
Rico: Hey, you Trisha?
Rico: You remember me? I'm a friend of you mom's. I'm-- I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico.
Rico: Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you give your mom a couple of these and tell 'em to hand 'em out to her friends or whoever?
Rico: You girls give me a call if you feel like you could use some. Have a nice day. the heck you throwin' crap at my van, Napoleon?
Rico: You're gonna clean my van...right now.
Rico: Nah, I was thinkin' of somethin' a little more... soft around the edges.
Rico: You know, Deborah, you have...striking features. Such a soft face should be complimented with a...soft body.
Rico: My friends and clients, they call me "Uncle Rico."
Rico: Shh. Don't say another word. Napoleon told me you'd be interested.
Rico: You stop wishin', and call me when you're ready.
Rico: Uh, she didn't tell me anything.
Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Rico: Well, then do it. Go on.
Rico: Dang it! What do you think you're doing? Now, if you look right here, we have Sally Johnson from Manitou, Colorado. Would you like to read her testimonial right there?
Rico: Oh, that's fine. That's fine. But do you feel comfortable with me? You could be...somewhere around, uh...here.
Rico: Pedro. Where the heck's Napoleon?